Debt Collection Magic: Identity Theft or Wizardry?

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go Back in the Potter!

Here’s a weird one for you: a New Zealand man known legally as “the Wizard” claims that the past-due charges on an American Express account are not his, and that the Kiwi debt collectors calling to recover those dollars are barking up the wrong crystal ball. In another place, in another time (one might logically assume “another time” meant in the year 1050—in fact it’s more like 1974), the Wizard was known as Ian Brackenbury Channell.

The REAL Wizard of New Zealand - Photo by David Alexander/New Zealand Herald

But the debt is not tied to a Mr. I.B. Channell. It’s attributed to someone named the Wizard. The other Wizard, according to “the Wizard of New Zealand.”  According to a story in yesterday’s New Zealand Herald, the Wizard is pretty sure that there’s some sinister magic afoot, “The name on all my documents is the Wizard, and it was that name that was taken and used,” the Wizard said. So far so good, right? But the real Wizard said, “I had the debt collectors on the line saying is it you, and I said it is not me.”

What vile sorcerer, what loathsome necromancer would stoop so low as to meddle in the falsehearted underworld of credit card identity theft? What wicked enchanter would use his mystical powers to deceive AMEX, a collection agency, the police, and the Wizard himself? To date, no one is sure. The [true] Wizard isn’t saying much. The one thing he does know—it “was an Auckland thing.” (I, on the other hand, have no idea what that means.)

So here’s where things stand: the debt collection agency has talked to the Wizard but not to the police. The Wizard has (apparently) talked to the police, but according to him, “If I am required I will certainly do [a spell], but the Police don’t need my help,” in comments to the Herald. Did you catch that? Did you hear what the Wizard said? He can, if required, do a spell to sort this mess out!

I know what you’re thinking: Smoke and Mirrors. Nonsense. The stuff of Tolkien, Rowling, and Judy Garland. Good, old-fashioned bullshit. Not so fast, skeptics! The Wizard has a proven track record up his sleeve. “I did do a spell once to get my car back,” he said, “but I haven’t used a spell to do with a crime for sometime.”

For now, please consider these important debt collection/warlock questions:

• Will the Wizard locate the Sword of Truth and vanquish the pretender who stole his good name?
• How on Middle Earth did the collection agency’s skiptracing software locate a man known only as the Wizard?
• What are the potential regulatory implications of casting spells under the FDCPA?
• Can alchemy be used to turn an American Express Green Card into an American Express Gold Card?
• Will Mike Bevel finish the entire 7^th season of Charmed by the end of 1Q 2012?

Stay tuned. We’ll send a raven.

Michael Klozotsky is the Chief Content Officer at insideARM.com. He has never rolled a d20, but he eagerly awaits the premier of Game of Thrones Season 2 coming to HBO April 1, 2012.