Frat Brothers Fight Debt Collection Action & for Their Right to Party

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'Sup? DISCLAIMER: Not actual Pikes

The Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity (affectionately known as the “Pikes”) at Ohio University has found itself in Dutch with a campus-area property company and is looking down the barrel of homelessness after local landlord Demetrios Prokos filed an eviction/debt collection action in Athens County Common Pleas Court, according to a story in The Athens NEWS. No word on what the Pikes will do with their prized collection of empty Absolut and Jägermeister bottles or their 37 identical copies of Jack Johnson’s Brushfire Fairytales should the Court rule against them.

What, pray tell, did these American youths do to call down the thunder of a debt collection lawsuit by Mr. Prokos? Let’s see, shall we?

As reported by The Athens NEWS:

“The complaint filed by 8 N. College, LLC, alleges that the fraternity has violated its lease by keeping a dog; damaging and removing smoke detectors, emergency safety lights, emergency exit signs, fire doors and fire extinguishers; damaging walls and ceilings; damaging and ‘playing with’ the house’s wiring; breaking a window; damaging a furnace; possessing and consuming alcohol and/or other controlled substances; failing to pick up trash and keep the house clean; and changing locks without providing the landlord a key.”

Has this “major” landlord never heard the phrase “Frat boys will be frat boys?” Did he dislike Marley & Me so much that he could not bring himself to look the other way while OU’s fortunate sons worked tirelessly (once their studies were complete, of course) to train Roofie the Retriever to fetch the morning paper and perform an unassisted 3-minute keg stand? And what of changing the locks? With crime on the rise, one can never be too careful. I’ll grant that the young men of Pi Kappa Alpha were in fact fiddling with the house’s wiring–GUILTY AS CHARGED–but you can’t really run 14 PlayStation®3′s from the same outlet without elevating the risk of fire to unacceptable levels. Safety first, Mr. Prokos.

And before you read it somewhere else, it is allegedly true that these same Pikes were suspended from OU campus activities for an entire year in 2001* after pleading no contest to “allowing underage consumption [of alcohol]” that required medical treatment for five OU students. (Dude, you should have seen Chad that night; he was soooo plastered.)

And it’s hard to deny that on March 3, 2012, Athens Police executed a warrant on the Pike house and seized “controlled substances” (aka The Marijuana) and “paraphernalia” after a local constable witnessed a young lady ”fall on several bottles of glass” in front of the Pike house (which she then entered).

The OU Pikes chapter, for its part, has vowed to fight the lawsuit (“…they may take our lives, but they’ll never take… OUR FREEDOM!”). Pi Kappa Alpha member Brian Glodowski, the Pikes’ risk manager, said Mr. Prokos’ assertions are “not really fair… He pretty much just out of the blue, decided he wanted to evict us. This is the second time he’s tried to evict us, and we definitely plan on fighting it.” Fighting eviction, fighting for their right to party.

So I ask you again: are these minor indiscretions by the Future of America so grievous that they justify the threat of eviction and full-bore debt collection proceedings?

Oh, right. One other detail I may have omitted: “The eviction action in Common Pleas Court further alleges that the frat and individual members are behind in their rent,” according to The Athens NEWS.

Just wait until their student loans come due.

*Thanks to user Get Your Facts Straight for correcting me on the date. The original post inaccurately said “2011.” Let’s all have a Miller Lite Shotgun (TM) can in relief (and celebration) right now. Amen. Whew; that was a close one.

Michael Klozotsky is the Chief Content Officer at insideARM.com. He considered pledging Sig Ep at the University of Evansville. For about 43 seconds.